I have a few more serious or emotional posts lined up, so I thought I’d do a little filler before they get posted. I’ve seen a game called Don’t Get Me Started: you get given a topic, and you have to rant about it. For me, I have upped the anti, and I wanna see how many topics I can rant about just going from the first topic I was given.
The 4 topics I have to include at some point are:
- Salt water taffy
- Rant about Yogi Bear
- Rant about online purchases that don’t look like the pictures
- Rant about phone booths
So, shou tout to whoever came up with this; you are a genius, and this has let me vent a lot out and I made myself laugh, even if nobody else finds me funny.
To help, every time I move onto a new topic or have a mini sidenote rant, I’ll put ‘don’t get me started‘ it in bold, and hopefully it’ll flow and link together. I have faith in myself for once; I’m a champion complainer and ranter.
DISCLAIMER: I will swear a lot, it’s part and parcel of me ranting, I am a very sweary person if you meet me personally.
Don’t get me started on salt water taffy: first of all, what the fuck is that shit? Before writing this and ranting about it, I had to go research it, and I don’t know if it’s because I’m British or what but I had never heard of it. Like, why the fuck would you mix saltwater and sweet stuff? Then I find out that it’s not even got saltwater in it? What is it called saltwater taffy then? What if I wanted to be at one with the ocean like a mermaid with a sweet tooth, like what the fuck America? You’re building my hopes up here for shit. It’s like with doughnut holes, the whole thing seems fucking pointless.
Don’t get me started on doughnut holes. The hole of a doughnut is invisible, that’s the point of a hole: there is nothing there. If it has a hole, it’s not whole (do not get me started on the English language, how the hell people learn it I’ll never bloody know, God bless everyone who can speak it fluently when it’s not their first language). So, why is it called a doughnut hole? They have no holes in them at all, so it’s just a bloody doughnut. If they had holes in, they’d be a ring doughnut, and this is a fact widely accepted, so why are you calling them a doughnut hole? Why not a ‘mini doughnut’ or some shit? Are people buying these boxes expecting them to be just air, because if I saw something labeled ‘doughnut holes’ I’d be wondering which poor bastard was going to be stupid enough to buy air. It’s an American thing mostly (again, like with salt water taffy, which is a terrible idea in all honesty), and they’ll have that but you know what they don’t have properly? Kettles.
Don’t get me started on the fact a lot of American’s don’t have kettles. Like, besides for making tea, there are many purposes to having a kettle. It makes boiling water hell of a lot quicker, for example, pasta: you boil the kettle, pour it on your pasta and you’re half way there for it being ready. For a pot noodle: it’s necessary to have a kettle if you want a pot noodle, it’s on the instructions as one of the main requirements. I don’t see how any kitchen area is complete without a kettle. Fuck coffee makers, they don’t help you when you want a cup of tea, or a pot noodle. But I know tea isn’t a problem.
It’s going to sound like I’m coming after America here, but I’m British, so this is a major issue for me. DON’T GET ME STARTED ON HOW YOU MAKE YOUR TEA. You buy it in a giant container and heat it up in the microwave. How the fuck is that a good way of making tea? What if you like tea a different strength? You have to put so much more milk in to make it weaker, and by that point, you have about 5 minutes before your tea is cold and you have to drink it like a lukewarm shot. And do you heat up milk separately? Do you have to heat up the milk and the tea ( if you do, don’t get me started on warm milk: to me, it 100% smells like baby sick and I don’t fuck with it)? Do you make the tea and put it in the cup then put it in the microwave? If so, how are you alive, microwave tea tastes like utter crap. There’s a process to making tea which is quite soothing: getting the right mug, fishing teabags off high shelves (do not get me started on the problems of having tall family members, I’m only short, I cannot reach on top of high cupboards without spatulas and tea bags falling on my head), waiting for the kettle to boil and thinking about life, waiting for the tea to brew and putting the right amount of milk in: here’s an art to it. It’s honestly like a knock off of tea: like when people copy clothes but they’re in no way as good- like the shops on ebay where you can get dresses for about £2 and they come and in fact, it looks like a blind monkey sewed it together.
Do not get me started on online shopping. We all know I used to advertise for some online shops, and I tried to make the best of it, but it was horrendous. Clothes didn’t fit, they looked like they wouldn’t fit children, hey were bad quality: it’s a horrible time. I don’t see the point in lying; I’d prefer to spend more and know I was getting something for good quality and it was actually what I picked out to something shitty that people have tried to recreate. If that person hadn’t bought the shitty copy, they might have been able to afford the real thing and not be bitter and ranting. You see, companies who do that shit turn people into me, and who the hell wants to be me? But, I’ll be kind and say that a lot of companies do it. It’s not just clothing companies, it can be TV companies and shit too. Like, the Hairbear Bunch and Yogi Bear: one is a shitty copy, and from the fact I had no idea who the Hairbear Bunch were until I asked my dad, I think we know who copied who.
That being said, don’t get me started on Yogi Bear. We all know Boo Boo was the real star of the show, if you disagree, turn on your location and you can fight me, that is the number one sidekick of all time, fuck Robin, Boo Boo is more useful. I’ll be honest, I don’t care about the bloody picnic baskets. I don’t care about Yogi and his problematic wife or girlfriend or whoever she was (don’t get me started on unnecessary romance, it can fuck up a whole TV program, and while I can say Yogi Bear is still a classic and it didn’t taint it too badly, why is it a thing? Let romance happen naturally, don’t force it). Why is it necessary for a cartoon bear to have a romantic interest? It’s a kids cartoon, just let him get into trouble with his adorable sidekick and leave the romance behind, it’s not necessary to the plot. Though, when you think about it properly, Yogi Bear is a bit of a little shit: he’s stealing peoples picnic baskets (he may be the original problematic fave). If he wanted a picnic basket so badly, why not phone someone to bring him one, like his love interest? They’re on a park range, there’s gotta be a phone box around there somewhere.
But honestly, I can’t blame him, because don’t get me started on phone boxes. First of all, they’re a breeding ground for germs. You know how many people touch those things a day? Like, you have no idea where peoples hands have been, who actually washes their hands, and what is on that phone. Then there’s the fact that they need a ridiculous amount of change to actually work. If I desperately need to phone somebody and I don’t have my phone or somebody with me who has a phone, I can bet I will have no change to operate a phone. It’s not as if you can even phone emergency services without money to put in it, and your call could cut off half way through. They’re pretty impractical to have in this day and age in all honesty, I see very little point in them, they’re a waste of space.
So… fuck salt water taffy.
Stay safe and stay happy, Angels ❤