I’ve been gone for way over a month now, and I wanted to explain why, and update you all a little bit.
Reason one: I’ve not been able to write. I’ve been happy, I’ve been healthy. I’m actually happier than I’ve been in a long time, despite my down days: I’m on a uni course I adore, I have family who make me laugh and make me feel loved every day, I’ve got friends who have me in stitches whether they realise or not, and I have a boyfriend who adores me and makes me really happy, I’m incredibly lucky to have him.
I’ve just not been able to write. I got half way through Blogtober, and my head knew the words, I just didn’t know how to put them down, how to write, what direction to go. So, I did what I knew was best for me and took a break.
I did have a slightly dodgy time with insecurities, which did have an impact on my mental health, and nothing I did seemed good enough. I’m nearly past that, though there are moments that drag me down and make me feel awful. But, I’m still happy and I’m still okay: I’ve learned ways to cope and deal with the slightly worse times.
It’s not just here I’ve been unable to write; lyrics are difficult, course work I edit and re-edit for days until it’s right. I’ve got another post for Consumers Health Digest to write, I’ll link my first one here, and I can’t find the words, I don’t know where to go with it.
Another reason is, I’ve had no time: between uni, going to uni on my days off to try and sort out my loan (still not come through 3 months later, I’m waiting on it, it’s been sorted), family, friends and coursework outside of uni, I’ve had no time, and I’ve had to put my future and my friends and family first.
Then, there’s the numbers thing. I’ll be real with you, I say don’t worry about numbers, don’t compare yourself, we’re human and we’re going to. I know part of the reason I don’t grow as much is because I’ve been pretty much away from social media: I’ve only just logged into Twitter for the first time in days, because I didn’t want to be social; I’ve been too tired. I’ve hardly been on Instagram: I’ll like a few posts, go give love to my pod, then back away again. But seeing people grow while you’re static does get you and it does get you down.
I do promise I’ll be around a lot more, now I’ve had my break and I have ideas for posts. I’m in the frame of mind I need to be to write. This was just a mini update post to tell you where I’m at and how I’m doing, and a quick reassurance that I’m fine: my brain and fingers just didn’t want to work together to put posts out.
Stay safe and stay happy, Angels ❤