I’m back in time for the new year, and I bring you something that I’m known for: complaining about music.
There will of course be a Best Albums of 2018 post coming shortly, I just thought I’d break the bad before the good.
The rules are this: I’m going off what’s been the most popular in the charts, what’s been in the Top 40 mainstream charts- if I was going off every chart, I’d have gone through thousands of tracks and I don’t have the time or will power for that. It has to have charted in 2018, whether it having been carried over into it or not… But I think most of them were all released and charted in 2018. They can’t be by YouTubers or originated from memes… If they’ve become memes that’s their own fucking fault.
Now we know the guidelines, I’ll get right into it.
10. Ciara- Level Up
Oh Ciara, your days of doing the 1, 2 Step and working with Missy Elliot and Justin Timberlake are long gone, and instead you’re giving us you saying the words ‘Level Up‘ for 3 minutes. Better lyrical content than some stuff on this list, but come on. Relying on it being remixed and/or played in clubs is a good game plan, but you’re letting yourself all the way down here.
I hate to break it to you, but in this song, you are lying; your ‘comeback on one hundred’? My love, it’s not even on 0.1. The ‘old mistakes are gone’? I know, but this is another new mistake. This whole song as an entity is a mistake, and not a happy mistake like I was.
“I just keep elevating, no losses, just upgrading”. That’s also a lie Ciara: you’ve lost a lot of talent and a lot of respect. Your career may be going up, but from where I’m sat, that’s up in flames.
Although the song is supposed to be a empowerment anthem (I think?), to me, it just sounds like typical rap, talking about what you have which is so amazing and how you’re better than everyone else, mixed in with some Taylor Swift vibes, because I get the impression this is also about an ex, or firing back at haters (“Oh you can talk all you want, See me, I see greater”) or just causing drama and shit in general. You’re a grown woman: I’m sure you and your team of writers could write something slightly better about how you’re rising above the hate and going a ‘level up’… which is basically about what 90% of the track consists of, minus other verses basically saying people need to up their level to get on her level, and occasionally the word yummy.
Ring Missy back up, please.
9. Bebe Rexha- I’m a Mess
Bebe is actually an incredible songwriter. She’s written some great stuff, and I’m being genuine when I say that. But this song honest to God makes me cringe. There’s nothing cute or sexy about being a mess, even a hot mess.
I love the guitar in the verse, I like how chilled it sounds, it sounded different for her and when I first heard it, I had some hope in me… I’m an idiot, I know.
Her voice then comes in, coated in auto tune, singing about how a man doesn’t love her anymore and that her therapist said she’d be okay: the lyrics for a good portion of the song in the beginning are “He don’t love me, he don’t love me, he don’t love me, he don’t love me”… That sounds like someone I know, but moving on. I had another glimmer of hope by when she said that she loves herself, and I hoped she was gonna flip this on its head and be a song about not needing this bloke.
It didn’t work out that way.
Instead, she sings “I’m a mess, I’m a loser, I’m a hater, I’m a user, I’m a mess for your love, It aint’ new”. YOU DON’T NEED HIM. Any person who makes you a mess for their love and keeps you around even though they don’t love you are not worth your time. Then it carries on with “I’m obsessed, I’m embarrassed, I don’t trust no one around us”.
You should be embarrassed. Your song sounds like a girl craving her toxic ex. We don’t do that Bebe, we’ve passed that- but from the looks of it, we actually haven’t; there’s another song on this list which has a similar tone.
“Nobody shows up unless I’m paying, have one on me, cheers to the failing”. I actually liked that line, but it makes me sad because I hate the pity party song about toxicity that it’s surrounded by.
Basically, this whole thing is a mess. It’s a mess, it’s a loser, I hate it, it’s about an abuser… Please stop with the whole shenanigan.
8. LSD (Labrinth, Sia, Diplo)- Thunderclouds (or ANY song recently released by the trio)
I’m severely disappointed in Sia. I loved her first few albums- Breathe Me is one of the saddest songs I’ve heard. I’d even allow She Wolf (Falling to Pieces). But she’s let the heavily commercial, mainstream edge go to her head and her talent is wasted on screeching mindless pop that makes my ears bleed.
Labrinth has a great voice: it’s smooth and his range is great. Although often outshined by John Legend, he holds his own. Unlike Sia, his voice does sound good on some of these tracks, but why be connected to a shitty project making manufactured shit with Sia screeching as she destroys her career behind you? Make better choices Labrinth. You seem like a decent bloke, just run before you get dragged down.
So what the fuck Labrinth?
Meanwhile I have nothing to say about Diplo. I have no disappointment in his connection to this at all.
But on to the song, and not just my disappointment in the artists: it’s shit. My ears hurt, my head hurts, it feels like concussion in a song.
“All I need is one, one old man is enough” sings Sia. Now, just gonna say, I think Sia has enough money by this point and she doesn’t need a sugar daddy or to be a gold digger. Then it carries on her asking him to trust her and that she’s wondering where their love went. Maybe it went away when you started calling him an old man and making him think you were cheating.
Then Labinth comes in and fixes the screeching we’d just heard with his soothing voice, saying that Sia is “Saying those words like you hate [him] now”… before she screeches again. Then I turn the song off or down or tune it out because I can only take so much of Sia’s screeching. I’d suggest you all do the same.
This was nearly in the top 3 in all honesty; it’s like nails on a chalkboard and sets me on edge… but it’s pop and mostly unoffensive. There’s some more morally challenged songs on this list and stuff which makes me angrier than just poor choices and throwing talent away.
7.Meghan Trainor- No Excuses
MEGHAN SHOE IS BACK!! What did we do to deserve this? Who decided it was time for her to reappear with fake nostalgia and rip offs from eras past? There is a difference though: she’s gone from grating do-wop pop to sassy seventies inspired plop.
I’ll be entirely honest, I don’t know exactly where this song is going, I don’t know what the message is, I don’t actually know what’s going on. What I do know is her white girl rapping is back and the repetition is strong with this one.
“What you sipping on that got you talking crazy?” is how she makes her screaming nasal entrance to the song, before carrying on that the person is “Looking at [her] sideways, always coming at [her]”. This gives me the impression that this song is addressing her haters: something that she’s following in the steps of Ciara with… Meghan, if you want to follow in the footsteps of Ciara, do not take a leaf from Level Up, we’ve discussed this. She then addresses it to a boy, so it’s no longer a hater song but a song about a boy that apparently hates her. I’m sure I could name a few.
“Have you lost your mind? Open up your eyes… *grunt*” Listening to this, I have actually began to lose my mind. When I open my eyes I see a dancing Meghan Trainor doing the usual choreography and I didn’t really want to see that.
“Someone else, you must have confused me, confused me, with someone else.” No my love, I think everyone knows who you are by this point. Just that you’re not exactly the most liked woman so the looks and side eyes is something you should probably get used to. “There aint’ no excuses, no excuses, babe.” There’s many excuses to why people dislike you, so I’m with this bloke on this one.
The rest is the first verse again, but her asking “Have you never met a lady?” at one point, but the structure remains the same- we go into the pre-chorus where she asks if we’ve lost our minds, then the repetitive chorus of ‘Someone else’.
It’s an unoffensive song but it’s just grating and gets on your last nerve. The random grunting really doesn’t help either.
At least there’s no skinny shaming this time Meghan?
6. Zedd, Marren Morris, Grey- The Middle
This is where I have a dramatic amount of people unfollowing me and calling me a heathen, but here me out…
The lyrics on this piss me right off. There are other aspects that annoy the fuck out of me, but it’s the lyrics that rile me up. There’s many reasons why I could have put this in the top 3, but with what it’s up against, I couldn’t.
It starts fine enough, so I’m not gonna go into those lyrics, but the next few lines? “Stay or leave, the cabinets bare, and I’m unaware, of how we just got into this mess, got to aggressive”? That’s a turning point. This song, sang by a young woman has been overplayed to the point where it sounds like normal background noise, and within the first 15 seconds we’ve got it taking a dark turn. “So pull me closer, why don’t you pull me close? What don’t you come on over, ‘cos I just can’t let you go”. If those were just lifted from a song with no lyrics before it, it’d seem like an early Taylor Swift song. But when you look at just before it, I can see where this is going, and I hate that these themes were a trend in 2018.
“Baby, why don’t you just meet me in the middle? I’m losing my mind just a little, so why don’t you just meet me in the middle?” From the sounds of it, you’re gonna be greeted with a punch to the middle of your face, love. Yes, this is coming from me who knows the rest of the song prior to writing this, so I know that the lyrics to the next verse are coming.
“Take a step back for a minute, into the kitchen, floors are wet, taps are still running, dishes are broken, how did we get into this mess? Got so aggressive, I know we meant all good intentions.” The the pre-chorus of her asking this person to hold her comes in and we have the chorus that is drilled into pretty much everyone’s heads at this point.
There’s nothing romantic about being stuck in a toxic relationship. There’s nothing catchy or romantic about wanting to go back to a toxic relationship. I’ve been there, I’d not want to sing about wanting to go back. The fact that few/ nobody addresses this is disgusting. The implications are all there, the lyrics state that there was aggression and dishes are broke. But yet it was still a ‘Summer bop’.
Then there’s the fact that with 2 producers, going for an upbeat tone, they could only manage a clock ticking (probably counting down the seconds to the next plate being thrown) and then the wooping in the chorus that could be made by a clinically depressed turtle mid yawn.
If we can leave this trend and this song in 2018, I’d appreciate it.
5. 6ix 9ine, Nicki Minaj, Murda Beats- FEFE
I’m fed up of rap music being about vaginas and being a hoe. I’m fed up with the double meanings for basically saying that you fucked someone. I don’t care about you and your shitty sex life. This song is everything I hate about rap.
“Pussy for that wet wet, got that drip drip, got that super soaker, hit that.” WHAT DOES THAT ACTUALLY MEAN? How many ways do people have to clarify that they had sex with someone and the woman was wet? She better be because otherwise it’d fucking hurt. “She a fefe, Hun’ and Keke, she eat my dick like it’s fri fri.”
WHAT THE FUCK DOES ANY OF THIS MEAN? Is that a reference to Drake with that bloody dance song where people climb out of cars and dance along side them? Is it just grasping at straws because he has no flow and can’t rhyme? Is 6ix 9ine writing about some child he’d been with? I see no point in any of this.
“All I know is I can’t wife that, talk to her nice so she won’t fight back, turn around and hit it from the back, back, back, Bend her down then make it clap, clap, clap.” I know we’re talking about 6ix 9ine here, but that sounds bloody rapey. Why? Why was this in the charts and not in the bin where it belongs, along with the artist?
Then appears a mini rap about shooting people (“They don’t shoot back, one shot, close range, red dot”) which seems like it’s striving for controversy and trying to make people talk about that verse, so out of respect for the wishes, fuck that and I’m gonna move along. But just gonna raise a question: what does that have to do with the earlier mentioned wet woman?
Sadly, then in comes Nicki Minaj. Oh Nicki, your talent for lyrics has been flushed in 2018 and it’s starting to show. Working with bullshit brain morons like this is just dragging you down and I feel nothing but disappointment. “He tryna 69 like Tekashi, call him papi, Word to A$AP, keep me Rocky…” and so on, mentioning other artists in a midly creative way. I think the only reason this wasn’t in my top 3 is because although still dog shit, she has some sort of rhythm and flow, and she at least tries to connect to dots in this shitshow. She talks about the earlier mentioned vagina in her part 2 “I sit back and when he done, I be like, ‘Yo how’d it taste, yo how’d it taste?” Classy, but at least she’s trying to make it all sync up, unlike the earlier gun violence.
We then go into more utter nonsense that I can’t really piece together and 6ix 9ine decides to take a leaf out of Justin Biebers book and make it less PG by saying “Eenie meeny miny mo, catch a hoe right by her toe” and we get the same shit we’ve been getting for the past 2 minutes for an added minute.
It sounds so downtrodden, so mashed together, so messed up and misguided. I feel sorry for the rap industry, I genuiney do.
4. YoungBoy Never Break Again- Outside Today
The second is I heard this, skin started to crawl off my body, and I got angrier and angrier. Again, between the high pitched shrieking that’s called rap and the fake deep lyrics mixed with the typical rap tropes, it defines music in 2018: shit that tries to masquerade that it’s shit by trying to be aesthetic and mumbling or screaming.
At times the lines blue between what is typical of the genre and faking a message, whether that message be about depression or be about hiding from fame. Within the first verse we hear him “Try’na hide from cameras” then later on saying “Imma take it to the trial, pray to Lord I beat the case”. Some people think him hiding from cameras is because he’s fucked something up (like with the words trial and case) and others think he’s trying to hide from fame. I’m just gonna say, I’d never heard of this fool until I looked into this list and I wish I’d skipped him.
After listening to it twice (two times too many) I realised there’s nothing deep about this. I can’t say it’s a parody, I can’t say it has any meaning, I can’t say anything syncs up or connects other than him boasting and what I’m gonna guess is him over compensating.
For me personally, I see a child trying to act like one of the greats, trying to mimic the lyrics that you used to assosiate with rap and then merge it with the shrieking of rappers we’ve had in 2017-2018. The mentions of being on the streets, but also being rich and “Just got a pet monkey, cashed out on a tiger, But really don’t want it, my son don’t like him”. I had no idea what was going on throughout this song.
In a way, it made it difficult for me to actually review it and explain why I don’t like it: there are many, many reasons why I don’t like it. The fact that nothing makes sense and connects means that you’re lost and wondering where the people he’s mentioning are coming from. There is no way this child has lived this life and is buying monkeys and tigers and glocks and rifles.
Live in your fantasy world quietly.
3. Juice WRLD- Lucid Dreams
I hate fake emotional shit. This to me personally reminds me of fuckboys sobbing and sending lyrics to girls to get them into bed, trying to get pity sex… It’s a weird world where pity sex is a goal. It feels like fake Tumblr emotion. It feels like thinking depression is feeling sad for a day… I just hate fake deep stuff. Stop trying to be relatable, stop trying to be Frank Ocean, it’s not working out for you.
Again, I had false hope at the beginning when it sounded like Shape by Sugababes. I was excited for this. I was then severely disappointed by this. The first good 20 seconds of vocals heard being the word ‘No‘ though is incredibly fitting; it’s exactly what I was thinking.
We go into the chorus to begin with which is the part that I think everyone knows by now: “I still see the shadows in my room, can’t take back the love that I gave you”. This is what I’m on about when I’m saying a lot of it is Frank Ocean inspired, fake deep shit with no soul or personality, just made of money signs because that’s popular at the moment: the merge of mildly emo, mildly shit, mildly rap. He then mumbles a bit more before proclaiming “I won’t let you forget me”.
That’s a fucking cruel thing to do.
Then we get the chorus again and then the first and pretty much only part of the song where he’s not whining and instead guilt tripping this person into getting back with him. “You left me falling and landing in my grave, I know that you want me dead… I take prescriptions that make me feel a-okay, I know that it’s all in my head”. If ANY person finds this romantic, please leave. Leave right now. There is nothing romantic about this kind of mental abuse and toxic behaviour. “You were my everything, thoughts of a wedding ring, now I’m just better off dead.”
No wonder they left you, you manipulative son of a bitch.
2. xxxtentacion- Sad!
I was honestly trying to avoid keeping him off this list for the sake of his family after his death, but can I fuck ignore this while having all the other shit that I do have on this list. For me, this is one of the worst songs to come out of 2018. Again, more fake deep shit but it’s marred with the opinions of a twisted, twisted individual.
“Who am I? Someone who’s afraid to let go, You decide if you’re ever gonna let me know, Suicide, if you ever try to let go, I’m sad, I know, I’m sad, I know.” Like with Juice WRLD, there’s the whole guilt trip, there’s the whole manipulation and so many little girls think that it’s romantic and that it means that it means this person loves them, and it’s not fucking right. I’ve had this shit done and it fucks you up.
“I gave her everything, she took my heart and left me lonely, I think broken heart’s contentious, I won’t fix, I’d rather weep.” Again, the fact that the blame is souly on this girl and that he’s saying how broken he is and how he’ll never fix himself? This is why so many boys (and I mean boys, not men) try and play this game. There’s a difference between being suicidal and just playing that card to get a reaction and getting them to stay.
We then go to the chorus again and it’s just a loop. A toxic, manipulative loop. This one gets under my skin just as much as the Juice WRLD one which is why they’re both in the top 3, but because of the person X was, I try to see past it but I can’t. That just adds another layer of disgust to how I feel about this song.
1. Lil Pump- Gucci Gang
Only this bullshit could come top of this list. It was a very, very close call. The mini me of 6ix 9ine topped it though with this steaming pile of utter bullshit.
“Gucci gang, Gucci gang, Gucci gang, Gucci gang” is repeated throughout the majority of the song in the nasal screech yet mumble of a drunken constipated parrot. And this whole shenanigan goes on for 3 minutes. 3 minutes I will never get back of my life.
“My bih’ love do cocaine” is another line you can just about make out from the stuff he is saying. For once, it’s the rapper talking about the person they’re with doing drugs and not them, but from the looks of him in the video and from the sound of his voice, it would not surprise me if he too had done something or a mix of stuff before recording this. “I fucked a bih’ I forgot her name.” Is yet another line that not only flips the roles (he’s a hoe) but also proves that it’s not just his other bitch or this bitch that’s on drugs, To go anywhere near him, there’d have to be some sort of substance in a system, not even money would make the most desperate of gold diggers go there.
We then get some more typical rapper flexing, which makes no sense at all and fries my brain: “My lean costs more than your rent, your momma still live in a tent, still slanging dope in the ‘jects, HUH!”
I too am deeply confused Pump, me fucking too.
He then says him and his grandmother take meds, which I can completely understand from his grandmothers point of view because if this was my grandson I’d take anything prescribed to me. Then there’s him boasting about being a dealer, how he flies a private jet, and how he “Fuck a lil bitch, make her pussy wet.”
Well, I guess there’s truth in the fact that there’s somebody out there for everyone.
We then get the whole Gucci gang shit again, the talking about him fucking people and forgetting their names and ect…
I think this topped the list because it was played everywhere and I have seen one too many fake emos whipping and dabbing to it, and that image sticks with you. There is no effort and no amount of talent needed in making this: teach a chimp to speak and they could come up with better in 10 minutes.
So, there you have it: the 10 worst songs of 2018 and my opinions and mini lyrical breakdowns (written while I have a breakdown).
There will be a best albums of 2018 soon, but this took hours to write, research and just go through track by track. Give me a few days to recover and you’ll get the promised happier note to 2018.
Happy new year, stay safe and stay happy ❤